"How ya feelin? Want me to tell you how ya feel?"

- Sam as I stood there wondering if I should increase my C&J weight

"I'm about to shove my vans so far up your ass I'll need to buy new shoes because of you."

- Sam threatening Jenn as per usual

"I could punch you in the stomach and you could still do a thruster at 53."

- Sam on why he wanted me to go lighter for 75 thrusters today

"Hard work and lifting heavy shit cures all and makes negative people look like assholes."

- Sam, helping me celebrate hitting the "impossible" dream of a pull up

"Enough with the bullshit. Put your hands down on the floor."

- Sam, after listening to me whine about not liking to be upside down on hspu

"You're giving me a heart murmer."

- Sam on nutrition questions (about the 498th of the week)

"No stripper pole deadlifts."

- Sam, while demonstrating in oddly and disturbingly good stripper form