"You're like a baby crying and pooping in the corner and I have to come clean up your shit."

- Sam to Kallie on MU practice

"That chick is gonna give me an f'in heart murmur one of these days. She's good shit, but damn the little lady is starting to take days off my life."

- Sam, after Macie took an unplanned dismount off of the pull up bar and landed in the ER

Jessica MM: "So, I'm probably taking my life into my hands by asking you a question this early..." Sam: No, I'd take your life for you. But what's your question?"

- Sam being his normal, chipper 6am self